Artists with Disabilities

[JohnEmmett]

Have you seen Beetlejuice?

A very creative movie.

 

[musket]

Sure.

 

[JohnEmmett]

 

[Artyczar]

Yet emotion is suffering. So why value emotion?

Emotion is beautiful. It's part of art.

 

[Artyczar]

Love is one way. Peace is another.

You can have both. Everything is lived in moments. Nothing is constant.

 

[Ayin Es]

This is a sticky thread, as it is supposed to be a resource for artists with disabilities, as well a discussion for artists who live with chronic illness, mental illness, or physical disabilities. It's not about arguing on the basis for whether or not these things exist, or what happens after death. I'm going to make a call that it's getting a bit off track now.

 

[musket]

I agree,but John has stated that he's bipolar.

Myself, I'm unipolar chronic major. So I get all the lows with none of the highs. When the black pit opens under my feet I become totally useless. I also don't react to good things happening the way most people do. I never jumped for joy when I sold a piece. When I heard one of my best guitars played by the client, an excellent classical player and old friend, for the first time at Carnegie Recital Hall, I felt no great sense of accomplishment. There are exceptions, but they've been few and far between. Falling in love, that I enjoyed, hence I've had a lot of girlfriends but only one, my current, really long term. Twenty-four years. The previous record was nine.

On the other hand I am indeed deeply emotional, often to the point of having no control over it. My sweetie is excellent at separating her mind from her emotions, which is very difficult for me. I often feel overloaded by stimuli. There's only so much I can take. This might have something to do with my limited capacity for enjoyment.

 

[Artyczar]

Musket, I do understand what you go through. My "manic" episodes are not "highs" in the traditional sense like a happy feeling. They are almost like an OCD state. I also have mixed states at the same time, which is what the special anti-psychotics are for. I have audio hallucinations too, which is a kind of paranoid/schizoid-effective disorder, and I get to also have an intense (so very bad) dissociative disorder which is probably from the complex-PTSD from all the early trauma. When I'm not disassociating, I am overwhelmed and the depression is also overwhelming. I'm a walking neurotic. I also can't feel happy about any accomplishments for more than a few minutes. I don't know why. I still feel I go right back into a black hole...all these things are pretty managed with medication however. The meds don't "fix" anything, but they help a LOT. Along with therapy, it's been helping me to survive so far. And if I didn't have those thing keeping me alive--and mjp, I would not be here typing this right now.

 

[musket]

I sometimes wonder if it's just a Jewish thing, but whenever something good happens to me, I always assume there's someone atop a tall building around the corner, waiting to drop an anvil on my head.

 

[Artyczar]

It might partially be a Jewish thing. I think we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, something non-Jews don't understand that Jews feels deeply in the back of our minds all the time. I've been called paranoid about this constantly by people who aren't Jewish, but not one of my Jewish friends haven't told me they feel the exact same way and always have, despite their own personal history. It might be in our DNA, or just history in and of itself. I wouldn't call this a disability, but it is interesting, isn't it?

 

[musket]

We can all hear the distant sound of jackboots. We all know it can happen again. I don't think it's a disability either, but it didn't help when I was growing up.

 

[Artyczar]

If my grandfather didn't make it out of Hungary, we'd wouldn't be here. The rest of his extended family died because they didn't believe them about what was about to happen. Some people saw the writing on the wall and were lucky to get out of there, but as you know, the ones that didn't get out of Hungary were not so lucky.

This thread had certainly made a turn. I'll get it "un-sticked" as a resource.

 

[musket]

I have no doubt that even clinical mental illness has an emotional component that is set in childhood. Emotions can and do create physical changes in brain chemistry on a short term basis; no reason why they can't long term.

 

[Artyczar]

C-PTSD (Complex-Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is long-term, and it can't really be treated with medication. Some experts suggest EMDR, but from my research and experience, there is no proof that it works, not on everyone, and it's especially not good for people who have had multiple traumas. I think it might be beneficial for veterans or people who have had few or one traumatic event. Multiple or on-going trauma creates disassociation and it's harder to do that kind of processing. Personally, this has been one of my biggest issues. I can't be very present, not in relationships anyway, and definitely not in addressing all the shit that's happened in my past. I've been known to black out some of it for long periods and some of the bad stuff I've known about for my whole life and just plain ignored it as if it were completely normal.

 

[musket]

Huh. Never heard of EMDR. I don't have anything resembling PSTD. Your childhood was several orders of magnitude worse than mine, or for that matter anyone else I know. But it hasn't prevented you from being far more productive than I ever could have been.

 

[Artyczar]

The productive aspect of my life is what I mean by the manic states though. It's a way to stay distracted and I can often go without food or sleep. It's a crazy sort of obsessive work if not medicated and it's no fun. Maybe it looks "great" from the outside, but it's just not. I'm doing a lot better than usual these days though. I take it was easier, which just leaves me with feelings of guilt of not getting enough done.