Artists with Disabilities

[Ayin Es]

Are you an artist with a physical disability, mental illness, or chronic illness? This is a sticky thread that will always be available. It may or may not become its own forum depending on participation.

There are many artists that deal with chronic illness and pain. Sometimes it is used as subject matter in their art. There are also many resources for artists living with disabilities at the National Art and Disability Center. There you can find a directory of other artists, grant opportunities, and other resources.

 

[JohnEmmett]

Bipolar…

The energy activates the inherent qualities of the mind.

 

[JohnEmmett]

I never thought I was disabled.

 

[Artyczar]

I am bipolar and also have physical illnesses, that keep me from functioning like most people, but I would not consider myself "dis" abled, That's just a category. A label. And that is how the NADC identifies itself in order to help those that live with such things. Some people don't identify as any of the LBGTQ letters, but they use it as an umbrella of which to be associated with.

 

[snoball]

Sometimes it is not dis abled, but differently abled.

 

[Roni]

Double-Depression, which is a mixture of recurring events and Dysthymia (= a permanent low).

Yes, I do feel dis-abled in many regards, as I simply am not able to lead a normal, regular life and keep things running and "function". Though these may sound like "only middle-class-values" that we, the artists, don't need to care about, we cannot ignore the fact, that those achievement-oriented people, who demand these abilities, build our society and rule the world with no mercy, so that you're doomed to work within their frame at least a bit. That's my experience anyhow. And I suffer from it, yes.

 

[Artyczar]

Some people who don't suffer from mental illness, and even physical disabilities sometimes, still put mental illnesses in some frame of reference that it can be overcome by sheer willingness. Like we are weak because we can't just "snap out of it." Many times, this only makes us feel more depressed about the circumstances because of the long-time stigma it's had on society. It only procures the stigma, and a lot of shame around it.

Because of this, it took me a lifetime to seek professional help and I nearly lost my life. I'm not ashamed to say now that I am grateful for modern medicine and hope it keeps moving in a forward direction. The same goes for the medicine I take for my physical disabilities. I wouldn't be as managed as I'd be without it.

 

[Roni]

it took me a lifetime to seek professional help and I nearly lost my life

So appalled to hear you and yet glad that you finally took the chance, maybe at the very last possible moment, to save yourself and get saved.

Some people who don't suffer [...] put mental illnesses in some frame of reference that it can be overcome by sheer willingness. [...] It only procures the stigma, and a lot of shame around it.

Yes absolutely.
This is why I do prefer calling it an "illness" and a "disability" rather than "we're all different and this is me", because these are labels, that normal people accept, so they can (at least a little) easier understand, it is not your unwillingness or lazyness or whatever.

I have a friend, who sees it the opposite way than I: He says, he feels stigmatized, when his condition is calles an "illness". With me, I feel more stigmatized, when people can't see, that it's not my free will to be unable to do certain things or react in a certain way and dissapoint them. So, I am more on the side of those, who fight for the (public) acceptance of it as an illness or even disability.

I see the other point as well and there is a point to it, but in my own experience, the incomprehension and allegations of people toward me come from their NOT understanding it as a sort of illness.

 

[Artyczar]

..I am more on the side of those, who fight for the (public) acceptance of it as an illness or even disability.

I see the other point as well and there is a point to it, but in my own experience, the incomprehension and allegations of people toward me come from their NOT understanding it as a sort of illness.

I am on your side of this. It's been hard though because people who basically don't see it as an illness usually can't be persuaded otherwise. Not always though. I once was on that side. I went through my whole life trying to will it away, thinking if I could only be tough enough-strong minded enough, etc. That's why it took such an extreme event for me to cave and take medication. Once I was on it, it was like night and day and I saw I had actual brain chemistry that didn't work correctly--just like my mother, as it IS inherited--just like they say. It is not a "myth!"

 

[snoball]

It is much like many of the autoimmune illnesses. You look fine so people can't believe that you are actually in pain and suffering on the inside.

 

[musket]

Rheumatoid arthritis manifested mostly in my hands (though really much more spread out, the rest doesn't show much unless I have a major full body flare, which thank heavens has only happened twice) for fifteen years. This eventually ended my ability to do art and play guitar.

Clincal chronic major unipolar depression. I was always able to bootstrap myself out of it until around twenty years ago. It's somewhat under control some of the time with meds but I still have frequent black pit spells that can last for as long as two weeks or more.

I am alas not so motivated that I'm going to paint with a brush in my teeth or play with my toes. Immodestly speaking, once you've done demanding work at a high level, there doesn't seem to be much point in doing half-assed work as a consolation prize. I found it hard enough doing art when my hands still worked. The loss of my ability to play is a much worse bummer. I started when I was sixteen and finally gave up when I was sixty. Now it's as though I never learned at all.

 

[Artyczar]

I understand your feelings about music, musket. I admit, that it's even difficult for me to listen to music because of my feelings of not being able to play it. It's not right, I know. It's a sad, lamenting kind of bitter depressive state that's been so slow in getting over, I don't know how many more years it will take in therapy before I can accept it. It was the one thing I was really good at, and it's over. I mean, not just over, but now so far in the past. I couldn't even talk about it at all until after I wrote my book, and it's still a sore subject.

So yeah, it doesn't look like I can't play drums, but I most certainly can't. It's not really a consolation to play them for five minutes, terribly I might add, and stop when the pain is too great. People say, "set up your drums and just play them whenever you can," and I've tried that, but it only makes me feel a little more down about the whole thing. The autoimmune stuff is one thing (why I can't play), but the bipolar depression can get me into a pit about this if I'm not careful.

 

[musket]

To play is to live, once you've been playing long enough. To play is also to be part of a scene. Such magic scenes I've been in, always associated with a wonderful music store to work in... Matt Umanov Guitars in New York, my own store and Sandy's Music in Cambridge, Retromusic in Northampton, MA, and amazingly the best of them all, Blue Mountain Guitars right up here in West Lebanon, NH. They never last long. You have to follow the magic where it takes you. But far more than art, the scene life was my life. There will be no more scenes for me, and I'm slowly dying inside for the lack of one.

Matt Umanov Guitars circa 1971

That's me standing center with Telecaster and shades, right next to Matty. I was twenty-two. This was the original store located at 35 Bedford St in Greenwich Village. The last days of true innocence in the trade, before what used to be just called cool old guitars, banjos, and mandolins started going by the meaningless wine trade term"vintage" and prices for them started to skyrocket. It wasn't all over. It is now, when a former $25 yard sale special Harmony Stratotone goes for $495 labelled as "affordable vintage."

Sic transit...

 

[stlukesguild]

There's a certain melancholy... or worse... to realizing that for all their beauty, Renoir was suffering so bad from Rheumatoid Arthritis in his later years that he could only paint by having his brushes strapped to his hands.

 

[musket]

I saw that movie. You have to admire him. I don't have the fortitude for something like that. You know, to hold the brush in my teeth if I were a painter, or play guitar with my toes (not that I could anyway, RA has screwed them up too).

 

[Artyczar]

I actually know a couple of disabled artists personally that do paint with their teeth, so it's not really such a far fetched thing. You have to be determined. But it's not for everyone, of course. Another friend of mine only has one arm and he does very well too, although, that isn't as maybe impressive at using your teeth. Actually, one uses her teeth and the other uses his head. The one that uses her teeth paints realism. The other two are more abstract.

 

[musket]

I just don't have that kind of drive. I'd rather read, write, snooze or watch the birds and our raccoon pals out on the deck.

 

[WFMartin]

I suddenly (within an hour) lost the hearing in my right ear, leaving me with tinnitus, perhaps 20 years ago. At that time, it left me in a desperate state, and took me out out of my music, which I dearly loved. I could not hear well enough to tune my instrument. It was as if someone shoved me into a coffin, and slammed the lid shut, when I lost my hearing so quickly.

Recently, I discovered that they had invented miniature, battery operated tuners, that you clip on your peghead, and now even I can tune my instrument. I can hear well enough to play it, .....just not to tune it! That stupid little tuner has pretty well given me back some of my enjoyment that I used to experience when playing guitar, mandolin, and banjo.

Talk about "dis-abled". I surely was, and am still. But, with the invention of those tuners, it has allowed me to realize at least SOME enjoyment in my later years by at least being able to jam with my friend down the street!

 

[Artyczar]

I suddenly (within an hour) lost the hearing in my right ear, leaving me with tinnitus, perhaps 20 years ago. At that time, it left me in a desperate state, and took me out out of my music, which I dearly loved. I could not hear well enough to tune my instrument. It was as if someone shoved me into a coffin, and slammed the lid shut, when I lost my hearing so quickly.

Recently, I discovered that they had invented miniature, battery operated tuners, that you clip on your peghead, and now even I can tune my instrument. I can hear well enough to play it, .....just not to tune it! That stupid little tuner has pretty well given me back some of my enjoyment that I used to experience when playing guitar, mandolin, and banjo.

Talk about "dis-abled". I surely was, and am still. But, with the invention of those tuners, it has allowed me to realize at least SOME enjoyment in my later years by at least being able to jam with my friend down the street!

Some of the hearing impaired people, much like others, have been able to have some relief with medical advancements. I never thought of a guitar/music tuner as one, but I guess it can be for those with a hearing disability or severe tinnitus. I think what would be great is if they had a tuner for the ear so that those that have tinnitus could tone their tinnitus notes off! Wouldn't that be something? I know someone who lives with a B flat major in one ear and an F minor 5th in the other. How can one live that way? Does your tinnitus leave you with a pitch, or is it just complete hearing loss?

I have static in my left hear (my "monitor" ear) when I listen to anything past a certain volume. I mean the static is pretty terrible and it feels like there's water gurgling in my ear and almost hurts. It's from blow-out from live playing and not wearing ear plugs, but I believe it's from one specific show when a sound guy purposely messed with me and turned up my monitor and refused to adjust it out of spite. That was 45 minutes of hell and I was never the same. I wore an ear plug in that ear after that.

 

[WFMartin]

I have a "hisss" in my right ear (the deaf one). I have old-age, high-frequency loss in my left ear, and I wear a hearing aid for that.