Why do you paint?

I tend to like color and the satisfaction of getting something that looks pleasing to eye although sometimes it's only pleasing for the moment. Like a junkie... ahhh, that one is better. Ahhh, but maybe the next will be ever more accomplished and the circle of addiction keeps me running round the hoop.t
 
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Not those because I can't do it, lately I've been trying a bit because I love chiaroscuro but also colour. Whether it's a drawing or a painting, I wish I could do even one nice thing. A drawing or a painting that looks beautiful and well done. I believe that if I succeeded for a moment silence would return, instead of the buzz of regrets, of feeling like a failure for being weak, having left control of my life always to my father who did not want me to have a life, a chance, to have tried to take it back late and not entirely for what I wanted and then surrender again, for fear, fragility and Drawing was something I liked but I hadn't done in a long time, having never thought I could do it at medium or even high levels I don't mind failing because learning it really would be a miracle and these are not something normal or that depends on me, so the result is not something that conditions me but a mirage that could also remain so, everything else is more painful Learning to draw I don't know whether to draw personal things or events that bother or the ugliness of the world maybe sarcastically, I don't know if with drawing they would exorcise themselves, personally thinking about them even for drawing would be painful thoughts. One of the things about redesigning and that the first few days did not make me think, then I started thinking of episodes like when I stopped drawing, or that if 13 years ago I had the drawing I would not give up or heartbroken or that the main bully is worse than I had in my life after my father, bully found only in the last years of school because The main part of the country, we were isolated in the abandoned part already then where it is ok by car but my father discouraged my mother from driving, he was not a violent physically but with words yes and prevented you from doing everything and gave you a failure, I have this bitterness and annoyance for myself because I realised that by not saving myself I did not save even my mother who is not bad, she was only fragile, succumb.
 
It is the never-ending quest to get the painting/portrait to look the way I "saw" it. I love the tactile experience of the brush loaded up with oil paint mixed to the right colour and putting it just-so in the right place- and pastels on good paper smudging with my fingers.
The FIGJAM moment that lasts about 10 minutes. Then onto the next idea.
 
Not those because I can't do it, lately I've been trying a bit because I love chiaroscuro but also colour. Whether it's a drawing or a painting, I wish I could do even one nice thing. A drawing or a painting that looks beautiful and well done. I believe that if I succeeded for a moment silence would return, instead of the buzz of regrets, of feeling like a failure for being weak, having left control of my life always to my father who did not want me to have a life, a chance, to have tried to take it back late and not entirely for what I wanted and then surrender again, for fear, fragility and Drawing was something I liked but I hadn't done in a long time, having never thought I could do it at medium or even high levels I don't mind failing because learning it really would be a miracle and these are not something normal or that depends on me, so the result is not something that conditions me but a mirage that could also remain so, everything else is more painful Learning to draw I don't know whether to draw personal things or events that bother or the ugliness of the world maybe sarcastically, I don't know if with drawing they would exorcise themselves, personally thinking about them even for drawing would be painful thoughts. One of the things about redesigning and that the first few days did not make me think, then I started thinking of episodes like when I stopped drawing, or that if 13 years ago I had the drawing I would not give up or heartbroken or that the main bully is worse than I had in my life after my father, bully found only in the last years of school because The main part of the country, we were isolated in the abandoned part already then where it is ok by car but my father discouraged my mother from driving, he was not a violent physically but with words yes and prevented you from doing everything and gave you a failure, I have this bitterness and annoyance for myself because I realised that by not saving myself I did not save even my mother who is not bad, she was only fragile, succumb.
Hey Joe,
I truly hear you and would love to give you a hug. Reading your words saddened me but please make sure that you are not repeating to yourself those same words that nearly destroyed you.
Your drawings are really good and getting better all the time. You are right to say that the result is not what counts because it does not count . Allow yourself to enjoy that pure pleasure which belongs to you. Be kind to yourself and keep going if you love to draw. I know that you are always capturing the essentials. That is a very good result. Now you need to enjoy the skill that that you are learning because that is what you chose to do. I noticed that you are getting to be very good. Put that in your pipe snd smoke it. It is yours.
This may sound silly but it feels good sometimes just to scribble anything just move your hand with a pen or a pencil or colour on paper. It is healing.
One good thing about what you have disclosed is that you remember where it is coming from. Some of us never do.
Much love, Joe ❤️
 
Joe, you come across online as such a kind and decent human being. I'm sorry that you've been exposed to so much negativity, but it certainly hasn't taken away your humanity. This may sound crazy, but I liked you immediately when I first saw your questions about pen nibs in another forum :) It's a testament to your inner strength and resilience that you haven't let the negativity that you've experienced destroy your good nature.

And yes, seriously, people can see that you're improving your drawings all the time. Don't give up on that! There is something important about this thing that you liked and returned to. You amaze me with your discipline and determination to draw. And who knows, you might exorcise something while you're at it. To any honest viewer, my dream illustration that I recently posted must surely look like the scrawlings of a child, but for some reason it was hugely important to me. There is something healing and revealing about image creation for those inclined to pursue it, plus it's directly good for the brain itself to be challenged by such a pursuit. Anyway, keep on drawing and sharing your drawings, Joe!
 
I mostly do it as a form of distraction from my inner turmoil and past trauma. I have visions and ideas in my head and want them to become "art" or create a new reality, and so I try to execute them in a way that satisfies me (in the end) through a personal process. It helps me make new aesthetic decisions, helps me to see what's important to me, and gives me a sense of resolve.

This is all most of the time, because the whole process is not exactly "enjoyable" to me. It is usually a struggle and a love/hate thing. It's push and pull, fighting inner demons, and all that shit to get things "right," something I know instinctively, yet struggle to recognize at times.
 
Desforges, Laika, Hermes, thank you very much for your kind and precious words. Apologise for the tenor of my words, thank you very much. (Before writing them I meant that looking, admiring the drawings, and something I had started a few years before trying to draw, even seeing various documentaries on the subject that happened, I found, is something that I already found important and soothing in part, however, this enticed you to try to draw.Laika, if you talk about your work in blue I remember it, I found it fantastic, really, in addition to being something complex it is intricate to do, not having references, etc., the result looks beautiful and sophisticated, I love blue, but I really liked it regardless of the colour, I really like Picasso from how much I Given the works of the blue period, his works that I appreciate the most.
 
I paint and draw for fun. That´s basically it.
Drawing was my first love and I think it is for me still the most important part. When I started to pick up this hobby a bit more serious again (the term "serious" being used in the loosest of definitions, it mainly consisted of buying a big ikea desk, a drawingboard and a cupboard, and declaring a corner of a room my "art studio";), this was a couple of years back.)
I first worked a lot in black and white mediums, charcoal, graphite even dabbled a bit in silverpoint. This to get a better handle on value. When I found it was time to add color, I decided on the watercolor medium, despite being not very easy imo, it has a lot of advantages for me over other color mediums, but for very personal reasons, not because I think it´s the "better" medium in general.
I was a bit down a few weeks ago, thinking I never make anything, don´t ever have/take the time to make drawings or paintings, so I took a look in that cupboard where I put the stuff I´m finished with, and was rather suprised at how many I actually had produced. Even when you are not consistently making art every day or even week it apparently still adds up!
 
Because I can, therefore I must. :giggle: Actually I can lose myself for hours and never know where the time went ( a luxury I haven't been able to afford for sometime) I meditate best while I am painting.🥺
 
Around 6yo, I latched onto artsy things because they were solitary activities where I could escape the control of my dictatorial-type dad. Then, he stayed outta my biz. In later childhood, it became the only thing that interested me as I disengaged from almost everything else.

I went to art school because I didn’t want to be married or work in a menial job (both of which happened anyway). I got to experiment and dabble there but it didn’t prepare me for an art career. Instead, I worked 30+jobs, raised a kid, and painted “in the spaces” whenever I could.

My actual painting starting point is when I did my first “grownup” oil at 27yo, after art school. The work was so angsty and “emo” back then. Mostly self-indulgent blurts of anger. Eventually, I painted my way out of navel-gazing and looked more towards the outside world.

This opened a way to “paint-comment” on worrisome or annoying cultural events or ideas in my own dumb and probably incoherent way. I still have an itch to get at something, but it’s easier when it’s not about me PERSONALLY. I suppose I’d rather show the mental part of the work and protect my innards.

And now I’m realizing that I’ve never cared much about The Paint itself and I’m not particularly curious about its quality or application. It’s just a means to an end and the end for me means, a “painting project.” I like thinking of an idea (how to scratch the itch), working it out visually, doing the research to flesh it out, and then spending meditative time completing it. In fact, doing a quick painting panics me and so I don’t WANT to work expressionistically, passionately, or blah blah blah. Achieves nothing.

So…I’d say that after 39 years of making paintings, it’s just a part of life. Maybe mind over matter? It’s the result of how I think, it shows what I want to say, it purposefully shapes my life, and most importantly...these days…it keeps boredom at bay.

This is a good question for a thread but there’s just no way I can answer more…succinctly.
Sorry. Just.not.possible.
 
I enjoy reading all your answers.
It reminds me that I also painted myself out of depression, loneliness at times. When I was a kid, that was something that I could do that kept me concentrated. It was MY time. A small space where I had control .
I was very anxious when I was growing up, going to school with nuns and a mom who also taught school as a sub. It was all about performance and becoming something successful. It crippled me and I became very anxious. Drawing became an exit, an escape.

I would walk around and ask my family member to draw me a line and from that line, something would come out.
Finally I received a little wooden box with oils in it when I turned eleven . When I started working with colours, I discovered that I could live on these surfaces , in them for a while.
It still works that way. I start with a colour and when I apply the second one, the magic begins when I see them side by side.
 
Oy vey. A big itch just started - today. A few moments ago, in fact. I think it’s going to turn into an ugly and deadly rash so before it infects me more than it already has, I’d better get to working. As if a dumb painting solves anything.

Actually, an idea (death and kids and loss) has been brewing for awhile now.
Today should give me fuel to the ends of time…
 
Yes, Arty, it softens the blows. Those cold winds in the mind.

So I have to modify that question for me to be "Why do I only paint during the cold seasons?". And the answer must be because I'm a crazed nature lover and the natural beauty where I live in NY goes into hibernation in the cold times of year. Like an aesthetic junky I need my fix of color and light.

I almost feel I should apologize for being so episodic here. I'm like a foul weather friend. :)

and the challenge

and because I can. Thank goodness it's not like bowling.

and creating is fun. To create one's own space is very satisfying. That's why all these video games where one creates their own world are so popular. When we paint we go into another world. We make our own Sims game. Mine ins waiting for me the get the courage to install a rabbit and bird into the scene.
 
I've been episodic too. Don't worry about it. I have a lot happening, and tonight I have a 2-person show, so I need to start getting ready. But I wanted to stop in as fast as I could to see what I'm missing (because I miss everything). I've been painting though, so that's good.
 
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