I love seeing people getting involved and making a start. There is no substitute for practicing. I love seeing the variations. I love seeing the evolution. I haven’t done a self portrait in years.
Well, I found it. I had to dig it out. And I’m pretty proud of myself. OK this is my first self portrait from university - 2nd year. I believe it was 1992. I propped a mirror up on my kitchen table, stuck in a corner with a great big window. The light was changing so was not consistent. You know it’s funny what self portraits reveal. I was quite pretty (it’s so strange saying that), and so people were really surprised by this portrait which kind of took me back. To me it was straightforward. I was concentrating. But a very nice young lady stated at the very end of my critique, she was a bit shocked between how she saw a person and how a person saw themselves. Mine looked terribly serious at the least and possibly depressed. Truth be told, I smiled to everyone, was very pleasant, if a little reserved, but was suffering from terrible anxiety and depression. I didn’t mean to reveal that. Or hint at it. I think it showed. I did not opt for eyelashes because I didn’t want to pretty myself up too much. If I got the eyelashes wrong, it could look very childish. Maybe I should’ve added them in looking at it now. I wish I would’ve hinted at a smile..
Well…
I decided after looking at it this morning and living with it for years, that I was going to correct or at least improve this self portrait. Just physically trying to do it is very difficult for me but I was going to do the best I could. And I got swept away in time and space! My husband came home and was so stunned and proud that I’ve done all this. He gave me a kiss and said see.. you can get yourself back!
So I want you all to see what I did when I was 19 or 20 and see how I’ve corrected it to look much more like myself and to make it more even. I had to expand the eyebrows and the lips and the nostrils. I had to make the lighting a little more consistent and not so patchy. I had to work on the hair. There’s a few slight changes I’d like to make, but I cannot erase the charcoal enough from the past to do it so it remains. I used what I had around and even though it’s still a glum picture, it is much more like what I looked like. My husband agreed. I mean, eyelashes help! Lol.
You know what I found the hardest on this? Those eyelashes! Being delicate I found was difficult with the charcoal in very short strokes.
One of my profs in life drawing class where we were drawing the nudes, used to love bringing in people who were much older of different sizes who are maybe oddly shaped or something was unique about them. Because he said young adults were boring to draw. Sure you can look at how everything fits together. And we had our share of those. But we didn’t have all the creases, the wrinkles and the lumps and the bumps and the things that make us so unique. Older people are more interesting to draw. I found that to be true. I was thinking about that doing the skin today. There just wasn’t a whole lot to it. If you do too much, smudging…well it looks like my first attempt- sadder. Don’t do it and it can make the skin, face, blank. Anyways, I think it’s better and I’m really pleased with myself. Will I hang it on the wall? No it’s just two serious looking. I need a bit more of a smiley face in my opinion. Even a hint of a smile. And if I did that on this portrait, I would’ve had to change too much. But at least it looks like me. It may not be perfect, but I will say this.. all the experience I have after these many years really showed, because it wasn’t hard to go in and do what I had to do. I had the confidence in the knowledge. I could see what needed to be done and I knew how to do it. But then I used to do a lot of portraits. Just not in charcoal. So that really felt different from years ago and quite nice.
Now I have to go eat, which I forgot to do. And it was wonderful!
1992
My changes
