Thoughts about my Daily Challenge

[Artyczar]

John,

I feel bad to read this, but not because you are a "screw up" or anything of the sort. I'm sorry that this situation is bringing upon negative feeling while you work on art. That's the unfortunate part. Otherwise, let me tell you that these things happen. They've happened to me many times. You think you've met a person who will be key to helping you make strides, and then it turns out do be a major bummer. This is actually just a learning experience. However, even if alcohol caused you to make some comments that this person didn't like, it could have been anything, and maybe it wasn't even you. People are a mystery. I've said some stupid things to curators, buyers, gallery owners, etc., but these things can happen--alcohol or not. Some people easily get offended. Other times, I've thought I offended someone, but I only misunderstood and it had nothing to do with me. All you can really do here is either try to have another conversation in the future and hope it mends, or move on. It's more about your work than your personality, which isn't a screw-up, again. We all have bumps in the road. What important is to learn and grow and to find a way to put yourself (all of yourself) back into your work.

Your work is amazing. You are one of my favorite artists on this site. Try to remember that because I believe in you. I believe you will heal from this. I also think it's not the end of things for you. It could wind up being a good thing. I know that doesn't sound plausible right now, but trust me when I say I've dealt with very similar things in my 30 years of being an artist, and not just once. Many, many times. Sometimes people aren't who they seem. It could be that. It could be that you said something that persuaded them to turn the other way, but this is not in your control. We can only control so much and learn from the weird little things that come about. Please don't fret it.

 

[stevenD]

John, I have no helpful advice, but I do thank you for your story and hope things eventually turn out well for you! As an emerging artist, there is also some help advice to others in there... Best wishes, truly...

 

[john]

Thank you Ayin. You make me feel better. You should be a therapist. I know I'm not the only one to make mistakes. And perhaps it was a mistake made on purpose and is for the better. I tried the art world and it's not for me. At least I gave it a try. The whole thing felt weird and I think my subconscious sabotaged it. I'm not a young person... according to the numbers. I have other interests and am lucky in that I fill my time with them. I'll get back to painting at some point.

Thanks again Ayin. You've always been so generous and supportive. You rock. And YOUR art is great. And I'm glad to see that you are posting again. You had me worried.

 

[Artyczar]

Sometimes I feel the exact same about the "art world." It seems it's a young person's game, and I am no spring rooster, or chicken, or armadillo. Or whatever. I am crawling my way to 60, and I doubt I'll make it. I'm 57 now. I think the best of my years are long gone. I don't have the energy I had twenty years ago, and I don't foresee getting a sudden burst of motivation to push my career into some stratosphere well beyond what I thought was possible when I was younger. Just being realistic. I'm also tired, disabled, mentally ill, and did I mention feeling tired? Ha.

This year, I vowed not to apply for another artist residency. I keep getting rejected from them. And today, I was rejected for the Gottlieb Foundation grant. It was the third time I've applied. I still apply for grants because it doesn't require me to go somewhere and hike around some beautiful scenery in another place I don't already live in. In fact, I applied for my last one (in Chicago) a couple of months ago. I am not holding my breath. I think those places like hot new (young) artists, or artists with Master's degrees from Ivy League art schools. Not much I can do about that. I came close to getting into one of the most prestigious artists' residencies last year (Skowhegan). I was The runner up. I tried again this year and got a regular ole rejection. I'd been applying there for a good 20 years. I will not give it another try now. I was lucky to get as far as I got with an interview and a second consideration after that. That's as close as you can get, really. I wouldn't attempt it again now because I don't want to go to Maine for nine weeks and be away from my partner and dog. And self-taught artists are not among their first choices.

So that's my sob story.

I consider myself pretty lucky to have worked with a Santa Monica gallery since 2015. I was in other galleries before this one—lots, in fact—but now, that's all I have until it goes out of business. The owner is getting up there, and he's pretty tired, too. All I can do is make art when I feel like it and hope it's decent enough. I am lucky every time I sell something, but it's been a while. My last show was a total flop. I guess I'm still trying to heal from it.

Oh my god, woe is me! Ha ha ha.