I Don't Know What to Title This.

[NATHAN]

I feel a lot of things right now. I'm not entirely sure how to articulate them. Obviously using art as a means to express myself is what I ought to do, but I don't know... These are just some thought's I'm having right now.

The world is so overrun with facts, it's annoying, it seems that few people have the strength to dream with their eyes open.

I feel like my existence has yet to matter since my work isn't known of. Constantly I debate within myself whether or not I should care about this, but the truth is that my art is the only thing I really leave behind when I die; and if it is to remain unknown and obscure for eternity, what am I living for?

Recently someone left me and it's had me feeling woozy, not depressed or miserable, just strange. This person made me feel something I haven't felt in ages and now that they're gone it's like all of the drive in me that NEEDED to create has just been murdered.

I don't really like social media at all, I'm most likely going to purge my youtube account. This causes an issue though, how is my work meant to reach people? How is my work meant to be loved? (I don't really have the means to do local shows currently)

Sometimes I care and sometimes I don't, I feel strange, it might be unwise to write something like this. It's just that there's not really anyone to talk to about these sorts of things (at least anyone that could relate to what I'm saying)

I hope I don't come across as some whining angsty child. I didn't really feel like writing this as an article on my site only for it to garner no discussion. (That makes me sound like an attention whore, maybe I am, I don't know anymore)

I'll understand if something like this is unfit for this forum, and is deleted.

My mind is always a scrambled mess.

- NATHAN

 

[stevenD]

Your last two words seem to be a sufficient title:

"Scrambled Mess"

 

[Bartc]

You come across as someone struggling emotionally and existentially. This is what a good therapist is for.

As to leaving behind a magnificent opus, most of us have some form of this desire, which is by all historical accounts a delightful delusion. Enjoy creating for the sheer joy of creating. Get your appreciation where you can. But don't get your hopes up too high for the Louvre (which is temporarily closed due to oversold visits to snap a meaningless selfie with Mona Lisa....)

 

[Artyczar]

I'm sorry you had a recent loss, and for your feelings of being a little disillusioned about your art and what it means in the bigger picture. I don't know how old you are, but your words remind me of how I once felt about my work, too. I was younger then, and I wanted it to "mean" something, somehow. It seems like there are just so many artists out there. It made me wonder, "What makes me so special that I even make art at all?" All I can tell you is that I came to understand that it has to mean something to me first and foremost. I don't make art for the masses. I make it for myself. If it connects to one other person, that's really all I can ask for. Not every artist can be world famous. The majority of artists are not. It's not how many people you can get to like your art, it's which people. You don't need millions of people to follow you, or whatever; you just need the people you already have to connect with you on some level.

It's probably wise to ask what it is you really want, deep down. Fame? Probably not. Most people don't want fame. They just want to be seen. Money helps, but is that why we make art, really? Money-driven or ego-driven, it's better to think about our true values. What are yours? If your work lines up with the things you truly value, then you are doing better than most out there. The key is focusing on what really matters.

 

[Hermes2020]

A friend once asked me whether I would still paint and sculpt if I were all alone on an island, with absolutely no present or future audience for my work. I had to think about that one—still not sure how to answer that question.

 

[stevenD]

A friend once asked me whether I would still paint and sculpt if I were all alone on an island, with absolutely no present or future audience for my work. I had to think about that one—still not sure how to answer that question.

If stranded alone on an island, I'd start "Sculpting" a boat out of wood...!

 

[Ellen Easton]

One of my professors many years ago talked about how a person's creative drive thrives the most on angst. The wounds and scars of life's extreme moments are where our most striking and impressive creations come from, but that takes some time to appear in our "rear view mirror" emotionally. At the time of the suffering and working through those things to put some distance between us and whatever it is, we can't do our best work. It has to recede into the background for awhile, getting processed and resolved within us and only then can it provide creative inspiration. I don't know if that explains it right but I've found that to be true in my own life. My most recent experience of that was the war in Ukraine. In one of my sketchbooks I did a simple painting of a woman and child covered in blood, and I noted beside it "The Spoils of War" because I was so revolted and angry over the slaughter of innocent children and destruction of so much. I sense that you're going through a time in your life when you're struggling emotionally. Hang in there because when you come out on the other side of what you're going through now, you'll produce wonderful works and I'm sure you'll experience renewed inspiration and a new strength coming from this confusion and angst. It doesn't seem so right now, but soon you'll reap the benefits.

 

[txomsy]

Personally, I was brought up to pride in my effort, not the results or anyone else's praise. That's how I see it: I do not care whatever happens after I no longer am. I will no longer be, so what's the issue? I do not care if others know my work or not, I do it for myself, to know I can do it and enjoy what I do. Occasionally I get surprised by someone who somehow seems to know me, my work, and appreciates it, but that's not my drive. It would be much later on that I'd discover the Stoics and Cynics, and understood I have not been the first to think depending on others' opinion or appreciation is futile, and that finding the drive within oneself is a safest path to happiness. And then I understood my parents, teachers and those who brought me up.

I would advise a similar trip: try to find the drive within yourself. Do what you do because YOU like it, and enjoy doing it. If you can find that motivation, life becomes a lot easier. And know what? Most surprisingly, that is probably the best way to achieve what one wants: not wanting (or not seeking) it.

Contradictory? I think it is a bit like relating: when you are too anxious, it shows and you spoil it, when you don't care, you're confident, only relate because you like the other person, and it works. Yeah. Contradictory. So is life most of the time.

Learn to enjoy your own art. That will be your best price... and one you can get right here.