last things and other things.
- Thread starter joe1It
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Hermes2020
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I'll repeat what I have said before: your development has been astonishing and an inspiration to follow.
I made some of them a few days ago but I'm putting them all in now because the computer makes noise and sometimes turns off, writing from the computer is easier for me than from the iPad also because I don't know English and on the PC it's easier to use the translator.
EDIT
it was a much longer post
at forty would it be stupid and useless (would I waste money that I don't have and wouldn't I still find a job due to my age if I end up?) to go back to university? but I'm not even sure for what and where.
edit
once this post is published, it will no longer be possible to edit it after an hour even if I'm ashamed of it?
it was a much longer post
at forty would it be stupid and useless (would I waste money that I don't have and wouldn't I still find a job due to my age if I end up?) to go back to university? but I'm not even sure for what and where.
edit
once this post is published, it will no longer be possible to edit it after an hour even if I'm ashamed of it?
Artyczar
Moderator
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- 12,630
You can not edit posts after an hour after posting. Don't be ashamed of your wonderful talents!
Bongo, Ayin, thanks for looking and for the kind and encouraging words.
Ayin, Thanks for the clarification for the publication, then I understood correctly about the modification, sometimes I would like to write things, I like to talk to people on the forum but then I think about the fact that the internet however means that something will remain forever, which is in the public domain, maybe in 6 months or a minute I will be ashamed of something I said or I consider it more private and would like to remove it.
I didn't think about the drawings even though at the beginning I hadn't shown them to anyone and when I signed up on a forum I waited to post because I didn't feel like it initially, I started posting out of regret and only not having discovered wetcavans first and then creativespark because both are amazing and the closest thing ,similar to friends or family.
I was asking why regarding the things written, my mistakes, mistakes in life, for example in life I behaved badly with people who were or would have been sincere friends while I had tried to be good friends with those who I later discovered were happy if I felt bad or failed, with those who don't want you to be well but only something or that in any case you will be worse off than them. this influenced me in some mistakes but it doesn't justify that I was an asshole, or I distanced myself from those who were kind to everyone or even to me, sometimes maybe I would have liked to form groups or meet more people but at 21 years old I lost my hair and I was so ashamed of my appearance that I ended up hiding, giving up things during the period in which you build yourself as a person. above all I am ashamed of the fact that in the last 3 years or so I have tried to make my mother's morale positive, not to make her break down due to health problems but then a few months ago I started crying and shouting at my sister because about 14 years ago few weeks after I had finished taking the first year of nursing lessons, while I was in the summer exam session and in a few days I was going to the internship my sister called me saying that I had to host my mother for a few days who wanted to go on holiday for a few days in her city of origin but that trip had been canceled and she was sorry about it and it was good that she was away from my father for a few days which made me feel bad, in fact he always made my mother feel bad and me too, I have been bad with my father since when I was 5 years old, at 26 I was studying nursing because I hoped to fulfill myself, do a useful job but above all no longer stay in the same house and in the same town as my father, but then I felt it every day and I often went home with my parents because if I was there it seemed to me that they were more peaceful, dad was less of an asshole, more calm at least while he was younger.
However, I threw the past of 14 years ago against my sister because I initially told her that I first had to take an exam fifteen days after that phone call, I needed an exam to be able to access the third year the following year and attend the second year in good order. the internship, furthermore it was very hot and it would be better if he came after or at least after I took the exam, he insisted and I said ok but I hoped mum would understand and before coming I called her on the phone but in a reproachful tone she told me, but still exams, I thought she was happy so I destabilized myself, I told him ok come straight away, problem and then many coincidences happened and basically exam that I was missing I never did but I didn't even try to do it because the rules that they had given us said that the deadline for taking the exams was March, the March in which you attended the second year, so every year you had 2 winter sessions and one summer session, they had also given us the dates with exams in February and March, in January the lessons of the first year semester and also the internship had ended and therefore you only had 2 months of exams, but the very year in which I attended the second year the regulations had changed which gave the deadline the last day of January and no longer March, so those two months had disappeared, there was only one appeal in January but they didn't tell us about the new regulation except during that exam in which I remained in the middle of the road for hours due to the transport strike right in that day, 40 of them were in my situation and without promotion they lost a year that day, but they helped, I finally arrived but I found a different attitude, the exam had 2 subjects but things happened that in the end I was in confusion and panic and I didn't go to the second one matter and so I wasted a year without trying, they said they would put another appeal it was still mid-January but they didn't do it, I wanted to move and not go back there but there was a requirement for a vaccine no longer used in my city, I wanted to do it but no one answered me how to just bring it to them and the local health authority but they replied no we don't have it, so they sent me into despair and brought
because since then I don't know what to do anymore. another stupid mistake, and that I felt bad because I had been told that when you turned 30 they wouldn't take, so when I was 31 or 32 I thought I wanted to start again but now what can I do and then anyway with the vaccine how do I do it, but not it was more in demand but I no longer thought about it to see why thinking about those years hurt me too much because I believe that if I took that exam I would have had a job, instead I realized that as a boy I was ashamed of my appearance and I thought that therefore the rest was useless but then in reality it happened that I wasted the years, life of acquiring skills and work and maybe in the end people think that I suck not because of my appearance but because I have never had a stable job and because I don't have a qualification. I only went to school and with the minimum grades because it wasn't the school I had chosen and up to the third grade the grades were good but in the last 2 years I became perhaps the last one in the class.
so often in life I have heard from strangers or actually from my father that I am very stupid, but I didn't even care, I would have just wanted a normal appearance, now instead I would have liked to have done that exam and the certification because if I did it and then I found a job, the last 12 years would have been much better, I would have been able to achieve something or in any case feel better.
yesterday in the message I edited, I wrote the following, he remained on my PC before he turned off.
I wrote down the doubt I still had after all these years but I don't know.
.:
at forty would it be stupid and useless (would I waste money that I don't have and wouldn't I still find a job due to my age if I end up?) to go back to university? but I'm not even sure for what and where.
I would like to have resumed for 10 years but not to start from 0 but to continue from the exams taken and above all from the internship, I was in nurses
I didn't do it because I wanted to do it in another place but I had already moved and there they wanted an internship that they had to give me in my town but they didn't want to do it for me there saying that it was no longer administered by them but without it I couldn't start the internship and therefore I was wasting another year and I didn't know what to do and I quit.
therefore they had only recognized partial exams because they had changed and fewer hours of internship because unlike where I did it in various places in the first year there were fewer, (if it had been like this I would not have wasted a year and I would have graduated because I didn't have access to the third year for an exam and the hours of training were many and in doing so I hurt myself physically, accidents and also emotionally, for some episodes and it hurt me that I did all 100 days while some like mine roommates and other boys had all the signatures going only twice because a boy said in his department that with training he was unable to study and help them, it is wrong to judge but this happens to some and I was not able to print notes from 2 of the 3 exams out of the 9 that I missed but above all they had given us regulations which indicated the deadline for March but it was changed to September of the second year)
On the one hand I was sorry to have left my studies but I didn't see a solution because I had wanted to leave that place and move but I couldn't start an internship there and for exams I had to wait until the end of the second semester because I transferred but they said it there after I took the exam but it wasn't transcribed .
on the one hand I wanted to continue but on the one hand it seemed useless to me and I was now ashamed of myself. On the one hand however I didn't want to give up also because I had no prospects, only that words were buzzing around me, words that in 30 years I wouldn't have found a job that they told me when they were at the first one and I wanted to change seats since unfortunately I had chosen, I ended up in the location which was poorly made and to be avoided.
except that I haven't renewed my membership for more than 10 years so I lapsed about 5 years ago,
so I can't sign up again, or ask for a transfer if not immediately, not even in a year, nothing, I'd have to do the selection test from scratch somewhere and hope that they validate the internship and some exams, but I only have fragments, I would care more about the internship but I don't know if they would validate that if they don't validate sufficient credits, exams were also changed immediately afterwards because when I signed up there were 21 exams but then they made a regulation that passed them to less than 20 for the three-year courses.
Ayin, Thanks for the clarification for the publication, then I understood correctly about the modification, sometimes I would like to write things, I like to talk to people on the forum but then I think about the fact that the internet however means that something will remain forever, which is in the public domain, maybe in 6 months or a minute I will be ashamed of something I said or I consider it more private and would like to remove it.
I didn't think about the drawings even though at the beginning I hadn't shown them to anyone and when I signed up on a forum I waited to post because I didn't feel like it initially, I started posting out of regret and only not having discovered wetcavans first and then creativespark because both are amazing and the closest thing ,similar to friends or family.
I was asking why regarding the things written, my mistakes, mistakes in life, for example in life I behaved badly with people who were or would have been sincere friends while I had tried to be good friends with those who I later discovered were happy if I felt bad or failed, with those who don't want you to be well but only something or that in any case you will be worse off than them. this influenced me in some mistakes but it doesn't justify that I was an asshole, or I distanced myself from those who were kind to everyone or even to me, sometimes maybe I would have liked to form groups or meet more people but at 21 years old I lost my hair and I was so ashamed of my appearance that I ended up hiding, giving up things during the period in which you build yourself as a person. above all I am ashamed of the fact that in the last 3 years or so I have tried to make my mother's morale positive, not to make her break down due to health problems but then a few months ago I started crying and shouting at my sister because about 14 years ago few weeks after I had finished taking the first year of nursing lessons, while I was in the summer exam session and in a few days I was going to the internship my sister called me saying that I had to host my mother for a few days who wanted to go on holiday for a few days in her city of origin but that trip had been canceled and she was sorry about it and it was good that she was away from my father for a few days which made me feel bad, in fact he always made my mother feel bad and me too, I have been bad with my father since when I was 5 years old, at 26 I was studying nursing because I hoped to fulfill myself, do a useful job but above all no longer stay in the same house and in the same town as my father, but then I felt it every day and I often went home with my parents because if I was there it seemed to me that they were more peaceful, dad was less of an asshole, more calm at least while he was younger.
However, I threw the past of 14 years ago against my sister because I initially told her that I first had to take an exam fifteen days after that phone call, I needed an exam to be able to access the third year the following year and attend the second year in good order. the internship, furthermore it was very hot and it would be better if he came after or at least after I took the exam, he insisted and I said ok but I hoped mum would understand and before coming I called her on the phone but in a reproachful tone she told me, but still exams, I thought she was happy so I destabilized myself, I told him ok come straight away, problem and then many coincidences happened and basically exam that I was missing I never did but I didn't even try to do it because the rules that they had given us said that the deadline for taking the exams was March, the March in which you attended the second year, so every year you had 2 winter sessions and one summer session, they had also given us the dates with exams in February and March, in January the lessons of the first year semester and also the internship had ended and therefore you only had 2 months of exams, but the very year in which I attended the second year the regulations had changed which gave the deadline the last day of January and no longer March, so those two months had disappeared, there was only one appeal in January but they didn't tell us about the new regulation except during that exam in which I remained in the middle of the road for hours due to the transport strike right in that day, 40 of them were in my situation and without promotion they lost a year that day, but they helped, I finally arrived but I found a different attitude, the exam had 2 subjects but things happened that in the end I was in confusion and panic and I didn't go to the second one matter and so I wasted a year without trying, they said they would put another appeal it was still mid-January but they didn't do it, I wanted to move and not go back there but there was a requirement for a vaccine no longer used in my city, I wanted to do it but no one answered me how to just bring it to them and the local health authority but they replied no we don't have it, so they sent me into despair and brought
because since then I don't know what to do anymore. another stupid mistake, and that I felt bad because I had been told that when you turned 30 they wouldn't take, so when I was 31 or 32 I thought I wanted to start again but now what can I do and then anyway with the vaccine how do I do it, but not it was more in demand but I no longer thought about it to see why thinking about those years hurt me too much because I believe that if I took that exam I would have had a job, instead I realized that as a boy I was ashamed of my appearance and I thought that therefore the rest was useless but then in reality it happened that I wasted the years, life of acquiring skills and work and maybe in the end people think that I suck not because of my appearance but because I have never had a stable job and because I don't have a qualification. I only went to school and with the minimum grades because it wasn't the school I had chosen and up to the third grade the grades were good but in the last 2 years I became perhaps the last one in the class.
so often in life I have heard from strangers or actually from my father that I am very stupid, but I didn't even care, I would have just wanted a normal appearance, now instead I would have liked to have done that exam and the certification because if I did it and then I found a job, the last 12 years would have been much better, I would have been able to achieve something or in any case feel better.
yesterday in the message I edited, I wrote the following, he remained on my PC before he turned off.
I wrote down the doubt I still had after all these years but I don't know.
.:
at forty would it be stupid and useless (would I waste money that I don't have and wouldn't I still find a job due to my age if I end up?) to go back to university? but I'm not even sure for what and where.
I would like to have resumed for 10 years but not to start from 0 but to continue from the exams taken and above all from the internship, I was in nurses
I didn't do it because I wanted to do it in another place but I had already moved and there they wanted an internship that they had to give me in my town but they didn't want to do it for me there saying that it was no longer administered by them but without it I couldn't start the internship and therefore I was wasting another year and I didn't know what to do and I quit.
therefore they had only recognized partial exams because they had changed and fewer hours of internship because unlike where I did it in various places in the first year there were fewer, (if it had been like this I would not have wasted a year and I would have graduated because I didn't have access to the third year for an exam and the hours of training were many and in doing so I hurt myself physically, accidents and also emotionally, for some episodes and it hurt me that I did all 100 days while some like mine roommates and other boys had all the signatures going only twice because a boy said in his department that with training he was unable to study and help them, it is wrong to judge but this happens to some and I was not able to print notes from 2 of the 3 exams out of the 9 that I missed but above all they had given us regulations which indicated the deadline for March but it was changed to September of the second year)
On the one hand I was sorry to have left my studies but I didn't see a solution because I had wanted to leave that place and move but I couldn't start an internship there and for exams I had to wait until the end of the second semester because I transferred but they said it there after I took the exam but it wasn't transcribed .
on the one hand I wanted to continue but on the one hand it seemed useless to me and I was now ashamed of myself. On the one hand however I didn't want to give up also because I had no prospects, only that words were buzzing around me, words that in 30 years I wouldn't have found a job that they told me when they were at the first one and I wanted to change seats since unfortunately I had chosen, I ended up in the location which was poorly made and to be avoided.
except that I haven't renewed my membership for more than 10 years so I lapsed about 5 years ago,
so I can't sign up again, or ask for a transfer if not immediately, not even in a year, nothing, I'd have to do the selection test from scratch somewhere and hope that they validate the internship and some exams, but I only have fragments, I would care more about the internship but I don't know if they would validate that if they don't validate sufficient credits, exams were also changed immediately afterwards because when I signed up there were 21 exams but then they made a regulation that passed them to less than 20 for the three-year courses.
Artyczar
Moderator
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Joe, thanks for sharing all that. I can understand your feelings. I also understand your apprehension about posting. If you feel you want to take this particular post down, please message me, and we can work it out since it's personal. I will understand. Until then, It's a courageous thing to share on the forum with me and others, and your friends here. We care about you.
Was nursing something you always wanted to do, or was that something your family wanted for you so you could get a good job? I was just thinking that maybe some things got in the way that weren't your fault, but also maybe your passions were in artistic matters. I know that art is not a great paying "job," but you are so talented and always getting better and better. I wish your parents knew this. They should be proud of you and you should not feel ashamed of anything. And especially things out of your control. You are a good person.
I recently have been loving this lyric by Radiohead: "The best you can is good enough."
Was nursing something you always wanted to do, or was that something your family wanted for you so you could get a good job? I was just thinking that maybe some things got in the way that weren't your fault, but also maybe your passions were in artistic matters. I know that art is not a great paying "job," but you are so talented and always getting better and better. I wish your parents knew this. They should be proud of you and you should not feel ashamed of anything. And especially things out of your control. You are a good person.
I recently have been loving this lyric by Radiohead: "The best you can is good enough."
Enyaw
namuh
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I like the sheep best and your drawings are full of character. That could not be if you had no character.
Don’t beat yourself up: there are things we all do that we are vastly ashamed of but we have to remember we are changed and would not repeat them. The cost of learning life is tough but I think it important to learn. Above all, we have to learn to forgive ourselves: we are growing, not grown. You are learning to draw in leaps so be proud of your accomplishments.
Don’t beat yourself up: there are things we all do that we are vastly ashamed of but we have to remember we are changed and would not repeat them. The cost of learning life is tough but I think it important to learn. Above all, we have to learn to forgive ourselves: we are growing, not grown. You are learning to draw in leaps so be proud of your accomplishments.
Snoball, Ayin, Wayne, sorry I didn't reply sooner, writing on the computer is easier but it needed to be fixed, they fixed it, I'm writing on the computer, I wanted to thank you for the kind and encouraging words. Snoball, thank you very much, glad you like the drawings.Ayin, thank you so much for your kind words and understanding on personal post.Wayne, thank you for the kind words about the drawings, understanding and encouragement. Ayin, Nursing was my choice, it was the first time, the first and only time that I chose university or school. My father was against it, for a year he repeated not to enroll me in university, even though I didn't have it at the time. a job, 15 years ago, but even now I have no prospects for the future or a stable job, 15 years ago however I had the dream of working in the social sector and I didn't want to waste any more years of my life, due to many mistakes and also bad luck, badly used I was in my early 20s, so I wanted to give myself one last chance and redeem myself. I liked nursing and I decided to try it and commit myself if I passed the test.My parents didn't influence that choice, in reality my father was against it and that hurt me but that time I decided not to listen to him even if he nagged and hurt me. Unfortunately, the days before the test I was influenced, in the sense that at the time of the test the order of the choices I had thought about changed, I thought if I get a low grade and enter but enter the second or third choice I risk having to wait a month or 2, I liked nursing but there were 20 or 30 branches in the same university and I didn't know which to choose, it seemed almost indifferent to me, what worried me about nursing was that I didn't know if I knew how to do that job, you have to do many different tasks, it's difficult , you have responsibilities, but I also liked other healthcare professions, but in some I needed a score that was too high for me when I liked them and felt more suited to them, but for one I didn't feel suited. In the end I was therefore in doubt about nursing and only one other healthcare profession.After the test the first year of study seemed to go well even if some things made some moments difficult, I regret a lot because I got stuck on an exam, and perhaps this happened due to stupid mistakes and also bad luck, things could go differently and therefore the regrets paralyzed me, I wanted to move elsewhere and continue but I was stuck there because of a vaccine that they no longer administered where I was born. I still live. In the end I gave up because of this, I didn't think about asking, thinking after two years if the vaccine had been abolished there too or if I could move again , I was afraid not because some tests recognized them partially, I had to do it again even if they had already been done, I was wrong in this because in choosing the transfer I was superficial, I didn't check these things, I wanted to transfer with more secure information but in the end I went to an internship where they also allowed it in my country and the exams were written, which saved me from feeling panic about exams again but I didn't know that to take the exam I had to wait until I attended a year even if I was in my second year.I therefore remained in the second semester and did not renew my registration or listen to lessons for the second semester.On the one hand I wanted to do it in the future but I never understood if I knew how to do the job of a nurse, very varied tasks, I don't know if I can learn to take blood samples, then I turned 30 and I remembered words from the only person who works in a hospital, I told him during the first year that in September perhaps I would try tests for another healthcare profession given that where I was it was found to be a disorganized place and in which I felt worse. I actually liked it the first few months and most were still good people. Some things and failure for just one exam, one afternoon could change things, the more years passed and the more I regretted it, I just couldn't think about resuming, or writing again, because the regret was that I could have finished in three years, or in 5 or 6, but more years passed, now 12, now I've lapsed, the regulation then said 5 but then it became 8, in any case it's been a long time, there was no nursing home near my house, but for a year there has been, but 100 places and 500: questions I have read, furthermore exams seem to have changed and first year internship everywhere is less than what I did then, but if you have lapsed you have lost registration and exams. Maybe by taking the test, if you pass it if you apply they can recognize it but I don't know if it's enough, some aren't there who have changed pencils and reduced three-year exams by 2 or 4 exams. apart from this and age, I up until 8 years ago maybe I would have taken the test again but when I signed up I thought it was the last chance not only because I spent 3 years anyway and that in 25 years I reached 28 then 30 and now 40 but because 2 years after I took the entrance test the test rules changed, it counted a diploma so I thought that a score much higher than what I was capable of was needed. Furthermore, if I thought about going back to study I thought, what should I do, go back to the second one, at least it's not all wasted if I use up the year of training and exams taken, or is it better to start from another healthcare profession that I liked? In one, however, I had entered the era if I put a different order, in others the score was too high for me.I ended up not thinking about it anymore, erasing those years that made me feel bad thinking about it, furthermore my family situation had already gotten worse when I was 28, my brother was in pieces, he had been out of the relationship for 10 years, then he also had a bad back, I was afraid for him and dad.or I thought that I threw my life away for stupid mistakes or in any case for just one exam that maybe I could take or if they warned of the regulations, or if my sister said, ok, you're right, study for the exam and mum comes later, it hurts. it hurts not having had a life that perhaps could have been better, I don't know if I was capable of being a nurse but even if I finished at 30 they then did 2-year specialist courses, there are nurses who are teachers or have bureaucratic roles, management or other, and if I was capable I could be a nurse which was a job that I considered useful and I liked it, after the years of study went so badly then I thought that I liked it less or that I wasn't capable, maybe I wasn't but I will live with the conviction that if I didn't have a panic attack or I wrote to myself a year before or a year after or else I could have found out or in any case it was better.Regarding the test, I only knew how to answer logic and general knowledge, at the time there were 30 questions on these, now 9.I knew nothing about chemistry, there were 20 and now 30, it depends on the others, a little something or nothing, I never bought the book to prepare, I wanted to save money but also to show my father that I was worth it and could do it without help.The fact is that it's my fault and that I made a lot of mistakes, but those 3 years of nursing studies went so badly for very stupid reasons, that's why I didn't continue and I felt very bad, if I took an exam, I could finish second year lessons, do an internship and attend third year, it was therefore very different, maybe I finished in 3 or 4 years, if the third year went badly I only had to repeat that one and if I would have transferred it would have been in the same university in another location, so I didn't miss exams done and the transfer was easy as there were places. If in the exam that I didn't take that day, I was promoted and with at least 24 I had access to the following year and a scholarship, I was therefore independent from then on, I would have been proud of myself and motivated to do it, but instead I lost everything, I tried to continue but repeating the year everything was much more difficult, you don't start the internship and therefore for months you have almost nothing to do, you start to think, I tried to leave to start again elsewhere and that complicated everything because due to the vaccine I was blocked for another year, I thought I was making life easier but I had complicated it. Then where I was before I had seen that luck and cunning were rewarded, I think, ok, changing the city where exams are also written is smart what I can do and when I'm home with my family I can go on an internship, I recover time and make them happy and not I can do an internship without knowing if and when I could, meanwhile time passed, waiting a year for exams.Then and today I therefore had regrets because perhaps not much was enough, perhaps if dad didn't hinder me when I signed up for once, if he could have supported me at least once or not told me anything.Or if I rented a different house at university, some stupid coincidences didn't happen and I remained in the top positions even in the second semester and this helped me a lot with my studies, I didn't know about the false signatures and I remained more focused on my own, I didn't have to influence on this or judge others but sometimes we get distracted from important things and we get hurt by those who offend or attack you behind your back for no reason. You can distract yourself from important things and goal even if in the endI know that some things were important because I allowed it and if I could go back I would just try to take the exam as soon as possible which was the initial idea but I skipped July and September and then all that remained was the appeal. I was afraid of not finishing the internship but if I made 10 or even 20 absences, no one probably cared and I wouldn't lose a year. I could also make absences from the last lessons of the second year before that exam.Regrets and that it couldn't have been enough, the only fully written exam was statistics, some we studied, others copied on their first or subsequent attempts.be more lucid, understand which exams should be taken first, commit yourself or at least go and do them, it might not even matter, I kept an exam last in which you were in class
behind and you arrive last, it ends up that whether you get there prepared or not doesn't matter but that moment decides the whole journey and the years that have passed and it weighs on you.
Another coincidence, I didn't expect support from my father but I hoped that my sister understood that when I told her I had to take an exam she understood that it was important and encouraged me to study, she lived with my parents, she had a car, she could go for a couple of weeks to the seaside with my mother, being careful so taking her out, it was July, they went to the seaside and my mother came to visit me from the day after the exam, I would have been happy and I had all the time to dedicate to her, she could stay whenever she wanted, whenever she came after a few days she had to return and to avoid making her travel alone I went with her, I was sorry that she was traveling alone and then for one day I found the shop where I could print slide notes closed, I thought of doing it at home but it had broken and they had thrown the my printer that I had taken to be repaired but I didn't know it hadn't been fixed. Even small, unimportant things, but I could have failed due to trivial things, coincidence, weakness. Or maybe if when I was little my parents had divorced instead of making them and me feel bad. This would have led to a different life, better for me and my mother I think, for my sister too perhaps, for my brother, I don't know, he was against it but he was 10 years older than me and therefore wasn't at home much, my father too so, I grew up there.
I think it would have been worse for my father, he wouldn't have wanted it. But in the long run, what was the point, I feel sorry, even feelings of guilt, I'm sorry, and that I would have liked a peaceful life, I wrote that sometimes there have been moments in which I was the victim of bullies, of hearing bad words, sometimes precisely from him, from a parent it hurts.
If we could repeat at least one specific day of our lives, I believe that by going back to the day of the exam or test I would have made my life better and that of my mother too. I'm sorry.
In those years I think I also had bad luck or at least very stupid things influenced me.
However, I ended up in that situation due to my own mistakes and even more stupid things, at 21 or 22 I had already lost half my hair and whatever nose and teeth I have or don't have and for two years I hid, I was ashamed, it was then that I thought for the first time that it was better to give up, having almost become a ghost. At 24 I decided to study nursing, I signed up for the test but I had a virus and a strong fever so I had a train ticket on the morning of the test but I didn't go. I thought, patience, I'll wait a year and next year I'll sign up, so I did this, the only thing I changed after the year and the city for the test. Over the next 3 years it happened, I did what I wrote.
So at 28 I thought it was over, now I'm 40, I wish I was 30, I'd take the test again and if it went badly I'd try again a year later and then that's it if I wasn't patient but I'd try again because after all with that experience it was easier to choose, I knew better what I could do or not do. Or I would start again from the second year until I had dropped out of exams at 36 or 35, it seemed late to me and I was afraid that they would never hire me but if I could go back 5 years I would renew my registration so as not to drop out and try to finish. with In hindsight they didn't seem like too many, since then I have bigger regrets, the COVID year has passed otherwise I was motivated to continue then.
Also regarding job opportunities, one thing was what they were now or 2 years ago, it will be another thing in 2026 or 2027 except that I will be older. Furthermore, taking the test again for where, I had not expired, perhaps it could have made sense to ask for a transfer close to home, at that point regardless of exams recognized or not it didn't matter anyway, practical art is close to home, lessons at an hour and a half or a maximum of two hours
they are not always, they are not every day and for some months they are not there at all and they decrease significantly compared to the first year, at least then.
However there are buses, we wouldn't need a house, last year they put it in my province, if it had been 10 or 9 or at least 6 years ago I was pleased, I would have thought about it and tried.
The doubt would have been that I don't know if it's a job I can learn and if they would take it for transfer. There is only this healthcare profession and it has many more applications than available places.
Another one is closer to 4 hours, in my region before there was only this, but I was wrong about the test score. For nursing there are many, other health professions have fewer places but more that I knew 15 years ago, or where I had seen it then.
There were not all the healthcare professions, 5, in addition to nursing 2 that attracted me
My fear that it was late meant that I made this happen and it was a shock those years, as it went, I felt paralyzed
that day and that feeling years later is what I felt more bitterness or even anger.
In short, I made a mess, a dog chasing its tail.
I wish I could relive the day I missed that exam or signed up for something different.
After that I didn't know what to do and as the years went by I thought it was impossible to find a job as well as go back to studying, furthermore I was more and more ashamed of my appearance and everything else, I should have made the most of those years, I could have done better even if some things they were unexpected and unfortunate and I wasn't able to react, transfer could have helped, in the exams I was unblocked but I couldn't validate it and there I gave up.
behind and you arrive last, it ends up that whether you get there prepared or not doesn't matter but that moment decides the whole journey and the years that have passed and it weighs on you.
Another coincidence, I didn't expect support from my father but I hoped that my sister understood that when I told her I had to take an exam she understood that it was important and encouraged me to study, she lived with my parents, she had a car, she could go for a couple of weeks to the seaside with my mother, being careful so taking her out, it was July, they went to the seaside and my mother came to visit me from the day after the exam, I would have been happy and I had all the time to dedicate to her, she could stay whenever she wanted, whenever she came after a few days she had to return and to avoid making her travel alone I went with her, I was sorry that she was traveling alone and then for one day I found the shop where I could print slide notes closed, I thought of doing it at home but it had broken and they had thrown the my printer that I had taken to be repaired but I didn't know it hadn't been fixed. Even small, unimportant things, but I could have failed due to trivial things, coincidence, weakness. Or maybe if when I was little my parents had divorced instead of making them and me feel bad. This would have led to a different life, better for me and my mother I think, for my sister too perhaps, for my brother, I don't know, he was against it but he was 10 years older than me and therefore wasn't at home much, my father too so, I grew up there.
I think it would have been worse for my father, he wouldn't have wanted it. But in the long run, what was the point, I feel sorry, even feelings of guilt, I'm sorry, and that I would have liked a peaceful life, I wrote that sometimes there have been moments in which I was the victim of bullies, of hearing bad words, sometimes precisely from him, from a parent it hurts.
If we could repeat at least one specific day of our lives, I believe that by going back to the day of the exam or test I would have made my life better and that of my mother too. I'm sorry.
In those years I think I also had bad luck or at least very stupid things influenced me.
However, I ended up in that situation due to my own mistakes and even more stupid things, at 21 or 22 I had already lost half my hair and whatever nose and teeth I have or don't have and for two years I hid, I was ashamed, it was then that I thought for the first time that it was better to give up, having almost become a ghost. At 24 I decided to study nursing, I signed up for the test but I had a virus and a strong fever so I had a train ticket on the morning of the test but I didn't go. I thought, patience, I'll wait a year and next year I'll sign up, so I did this, the only thing I changed after the year and the city for the test. Over the next 3 years it happened, I did what I wrote.
So at 28 I thought it was over, now I'm 40, I wish I was 30, I'd take the test again and if it went badly I'd try again a year later and then that's it if I wasn't patient but I'd try again because after all with that experience it was easier to choose, I knew better what I could do or not do. Or I would start again from the second year until I had dropped out of exams at 36 or 35, it seemed late to me and I was afraid that they would never hire me but if I could go back 5 years I would renew my registration so as not to drop out and try to finish. with In hindsight they didn't seem like too many, since then I have bigger regrets, the COVID year has passed otherwise I was motivated to continue then.
Also regarding job opportunities, one thing was what they were now or 2 years ago, it will be another thing in 2026 or 2027 except that I will be older. Furthermore, taking the test again for where, I had not expired, perhaps it could have made sense to ask for a transfer close to home, at that point regardless of exams recognized or not it didn't matter anyway, practical art is close to home, lessons at an hour and a half or a maximum of two hours
they are not always, they are not every day and for some months they are not there at all and they decrease significantly compared to the first year, at least then.
However there are buses, we wouldn't need a house, last year they put it in my province, if it had been 10 or 9 or at least 6 years ago I was pleased, I would have thought about it and tried.
The doubt would have been that I don't know if it's a job I can learn and if they would take it for transfer. There is only this healthcare profession and it has many more applications than available places.
Another one is closer to 4 hours, in my region before there was only this, but I was wrong about the test score. For nursing there are many, other health professions have fewer places but more that I knew 15 years ago, or where I had seen it then.
There were not all the healthcare professions, 5, in addition to nursing 2 that attracted me
My fear that it was late meant that I made this happen and it was a shock those years, as it went, I felt paralyzed
that day and that feeling years later is what I felt more bitterness or even anger.
In short, I made a mess, a dog chasing its tail.
I wish I could relive the day I missed that exam or signed up for something different.
After that I didn't know what to do and as the years went by I thought it was impossible to find a job as well as go back to studying, furthermore I was more and more ashamed of my appearance and everything else, I should have made the most of those years, I could have done better even if some things they were unexpected and unfortunate and I wasn't able to react, transfer could have helped, in the exams I was unblocked but I couldn't validate it and there I gave up.
Donna T
Well-known member
- Messages
- 2,608
Joe, I’ve always admired your work and think your drawing abilities are top notch! The rooster is awesome but I like them all! I wish I could draw graceful curving lines that capture the feel of an animal’s body like you do. I’m sorry you’ve had so many challenges and setbacks and hope the future finds you feeling more at peace.
